terms.

 My brain is racing, trying to make sense of what is happening; around me, inside of me, against me, and Infront of me. It is absorbing feelings, actions, and intentions all at once, and trying to squeeze out some rationale and clarity. Categorizing and subcategorizing, learning and unlearning, empathizing, and reaching a safe ending for all sides. Who do I put first in this situation, and what parts of me should take the decisions going forward, the scared ones? The ambitious ones? The ones looking for fulfilment and purpose and alignment? I think so, no?

The other parts are underplaying themselves to accommodate to what might or can be right, if only, upon the other person’s terms.

What are my terms then? How do I define them, yet enforce them?

Not only to myself, but to others around me, how do I refine clarity and understanding, refine boundaries and needs.

Are my terms even mine? Or are they society’s? or my mother’s unintentional ones?

Where are they coming from even? Why are they even defined as terms? To get me closer to myself? Or to have me avoid feelings of discomfort? What are these feelings of discomfort? Should they be there to kick me out of my comfort zone, or are they simply ones I do not like or agree with?

There are so many questions that demand answers which can be created and curated based on circumstances and incidents.

Do I like the things I like because I like them?

Do I crave the things I crave because I crave them?

Do I avoid the things that I avoid because I can like them, but too scared to?

Uhm.