All in good time;

What do you do when this happens? Does it represent reality, or is it merely a crush? Does it fade away or should it be acted upon? Why are there so many emotions around it? An attraction that is reaching its maximum levels; What do you do when this happens? Blockage of feelings and emotions and thoughts and words and attraction; So many actions you’d like to make and so many words you’re craving to say; But what if they spill more than they fill? What if they overload and suffocate? What if they are out, with nowhere to be put?  What if? What if? And what do you do when this happens?

  The shit-scare of 28 March 28, 2021 - So, there’s alot on my mind, thoughts that come smashing in each time I am laying down impatiently waiting for the next episode to run (in 10,9,8..), or after a sigh exhaled post ticking-off a flagged email; I would call them "moments of realization mixed with triggered fears of all dimensions of past present and future"; escaping into the virtual world and digging my hole into one click after the other to hide and get the clock ticking faster. I do know that I am scared of settling, settling for what is “normalized” because of urgency or lack of choices, I am scared of not having choices and having life drive its wave rationally instead, I am scared of being caged within this society and the too-familiar faces around me, not even a slight urge to know a bit more about each other, just switching up our circles like a kindergarten game of who’s who. I am scared of me being this, not expanding or stretching the ropes of who I am, only liv...

  Some days, I feel like I am losing my identity through the politics of life, diving into the daily routines and small talk that takes over the excitingly innovative brain cells, killing them within seconds in a route covered with fog. Some days, I lose my character. My charisma and my goals get scattered within the daily tasks and the heavy load of balancing and juggling life all together. Some days, I go to bed weighing like the daily news, and smelling like the Kardashians’ instagram feed that I forget what it is I am desiring in life within this scattered chaos.

What do I want this year? What do I want to establish actually? It’s boundaries Independency Self celebration Consistency  To make life out of life Feel comfortable  Feel at ease Feel in control Feel whole Feel aligned Feel safe Feel, with love Feel love Feel life Feel And only allow kindness into my life.

Some days, life invites you in. It takes you in with warm arms and makes everything feel safe and easy. Some days, life overwhelms you with ultimate suspense the moment you set your foot to the ground, has your mood vibing to a different frequency than your surroundings, and has you ticked-off with every channel you try to merge with. Other days, life is the same road to the usual destination, it is just a day that passes by with no extra flavor, it may seem dull, but sometimes that is all you need to stay sane. And on other days, life cracks you to your every bone, has you investigating each thought, gesture, or tone until you go to bed with a heavy heart and a heavier head. On the good days, life pumps in you the energy you have been craving to keep flowing with the night, finally in sync with something bigger than you.  

Losing track of yourself, of an identity built around collected phases and phrases,  Digging its track lines into your body from head to toe, even before your time of birth,  with a pre-set expectation of you that you never got the time to grasp,  A continuous track record of achievements that define your existence and level of acceptance,  A pass/no pass sheet in peoples’ minds defining your worth upon their mere perception of reality for their present self and its current values.  Bullshit? Various meanings to tracks that can only truly be defined by your zest for life at the end.

Sometimes, you are too much for the world, And at other times, it craves every single bit of you. Sometimes, you are effortlessly in-lined with one person or a few, And at other times, you are perfectly in-lined with all that is within you. At these times, you are all that you are and you can manage to be,  You have the world to love you, especially if that world is inside of you .