A wall wanderer.

For the past seven months, I had taken the decision to resolve untouched baggage in my life that has been cluttering with a rhythm-less kind of order, a vain distribution of chaos that has no sense of obvious beauty or an understanding for its various forms, I decided to crash the door in the back of each lobe in my brain and let the skeletons dance, you see, there are moments that come in your life where some triggers get you to feel things you do not know the source of, they either get you overwhelmed with sadness or utter beauty, and you always wander around life searching for that feeling again or a justification for it, these skeletons tremble over a certain unrecognized feeling and have your body shake with unease, but once and for all, I am entering.

My decision did not come out of curiosity or free-time, it rushed into my organs with a flood of anxiety and unjustified heartbeats, with suffocation and an emerging need to take my virtual clothes-off in order to feel free and breathe again, the kind of suffocation that demands you to solve the knots in your brain and have your body feel at ease.

I woke up today with a sense of wondering, a feeling so intense that my hairdresser described as “a baby staring into the ceiling out of awe-ness trying to grasp their surroundings” .. that is where I am right now, at awe, of reactions and feelings, of words uttered out of built-in concepts, of bird sounds and the way mechanics work, at awe of my hair and my eyes, my body and the way my fingers type so effortlessly while writing this, without taking a glimpse at the keyboard, the power of the mind and muscle memory, neuroplasticity and its wonders, how practice makes perfect and how knowing your problems is one thing, but solving them is another, how you get the chance to get to know yourself through interactions with other people triggering these sides of you which you never knew before.

The past seven months have been a self-exploratory journey, I got to address each memorable incident in my life and the reason it is engraved in my mind, I got to release these thoughts from my subconscious and shake the boxes in my memory lane, just like a video game of crash where you would get points just by hitting the boxes and unfolding the prizes inside, each prize had gotten me closer to the winning line and to the trophies of emotional and physical stability.

July, 2018.