All in good time;

How do you grieve your old selves? Do you create new ones that replace the old ones.. or do you paint over some scars and memories with fresh paint; hiding all that is underneath like a renewed building that has survived a fire?  Or do you just toss these memories in a box and keep them in a faraway corner that gets dustier with time until it’s too unhygienic to reach or unravel?  What happens to memories, pain, laughter, and life incidents?  And who gets to choose their destiny?  And why are the memories that scarred your heart easier to reach than any other happy ones in the side-corners of your brain?  Does pain come in brighter colours than laughter?  Who answers these questions?  And who will help you in burning these boxes to ashes to get the courage to paint all over them again?

I am a firm believer that all human beings have a fire inside of them that can be ignited with the right opportunities, I am also a bigger believer that we create our own opportunities by unapologetically knocking off doors and letting the world know who we are and how we wish for it to be. One of my professors in our master’s program has asked us to develop a case study for a start-up as part of our final exam evaluation; and the goal of this start-up is to be one that could “save the world” or perhaps solve a problem in the world right now ; a problem that older generations have so eagerly built brick-by-brick with ignorance and self-entitled motivation ( I added this part) - I laughed, and told the professor, too much pressure, no? haha I don’t know If I believe that I am here for a greater purpose or if any of this effort is worth the while at the end. You can see people every single day who are ridiculing the world and are deliberately damaging it and are hurting the people ...

I was never the kind of person who paid real attention to the actions of others, or lack of actions per se. I would go through the days with the effortless pace of a tree that is trying to find its path through the soils, hyped up and all excited to go! You come to realize with time, that this growing tree will face many other roots in its way down-under, ones that flow with it perfectly, others that cut it off but with no real intention for harm, and some others, oh well.. you know. This tree grew to better understand boundaries and positions of power - as sad as that sounds, the idea that even if your next-door chillest tree in town wants to cut cross your way, you simply can’t and won’t let it, just because it is your personal space and that is enough reason. You start noticing the toxicity of intentional acts, and what effort truly means, what genuine behaviors are, and the energy levels that you have reserved in you the minute you meet and the second you leave, the ease you feel w...

Some people like to sabotage the world around them, caring less about what collateral damages others will endure,  They move with recklessness and leave every place with a stain for the next one to clean or carry, They are cynical with no sense of accountability or even a line close to it, their alphabetics are sung upon their own rhythm and they expect to get away with it as long as their act is good enough to be believed,  They spit lies and hydrate them with their own hysteria, their intention is unclear but they don’t really give a damn, now do they?

What do you do when this happens? Does it represent reality, or is it merely a crush? Does it fade away or should it be acted upon? Why are there so many emotions around it? An attraction that is reaching its maximum levels; What do you do when this happens? Blockage of feelings and emotions and thoughts and words and attraction; So many actions you’d like to make and so many words you’re craving to say; But what if they spill more than they fill? What if they overload and suffocate? What if they are out, with nowhere to be put?  What if? What if? And what do you do when this happens?

  The shit-scare of 28 March 28, 2021 - So, there’s alot on my mind, thoughts that come smashing in each time I am laying down impatiently waiting for the next episode to run (in 10,9,8..), or after a sigh exhaled post ticking-off a flagged email; I would call them "moments of realization mixed with triggered fears of all dimensions of past present and future"; escaping into the virtual world and digging my hole into one click after the other to hide and get the clock ticking faster. I do know that I am scared of settling, settling for what is “normalized” because of urgency or lack of choices, I am scared of not having choices and having life drive its wave rationally instead, I am scared of being caged within this society and the too-familiar faces around me, not even a slight urge to know a bit more about each other, just switching up our circles like a kindergarten game of who’s who. I am scared of me being this, not expanding or stretching the ropes of who I am, only liv...

  Some days, I feel like I am losing my identity through the politics of life, diving into the daily routines and small talk that takes over the excitingly innovative brain cells, killing them within seconds in a route covered with fog. Some days, I lose my character. My charisma and my goals get scattered within the daily tasks and the heavy load of balancing and juggling life all together. Some days, I go to bed weighing like the daily news, and smelling like the Kardashians’ instagram feed that I forget what it is I am desiring in life within this scattered chaos.

What do I want this year? What do I want to establish actually? It’s boundaries Independency Self celebration Consistency  To make life out of life Feel comfortable  Feel at ease Feel in control Feel whole Feel aligned Feel safe Feel, with love Feel love Feel life Feel And only allow kindness into my life.